May not be the same for you, but I’ve found that a lot of my struggle with fasting comes from lack of enjoyment outside of eating. Truth is, eating can make you feel good. And when there’s a lack of other sources of enjoyment in your life, it’s an easy alternative. Just think of the stereotype from the 90s about eating a pint of ice cream after a breakup.
My suggestion is to supplement your fasting goals with other activities (potentially with short and long term goals that are attainable) that take up your time and make you feel good. Working out (and cardio) is a great addition, because not only does it take time away from time you could spend eating, but it also helps improve your health and adds to your caloric deficit.
Another extension of exercise would be picking up a sport. Something as simple as bowling or archery can be relatively cheap and offer the aforementioned goals and calorie expenditure. They also help you build a skill you can take pride in, and even compete in official competitions. Even running can provide goals like a specific minutes per mile or distance to work up to, and that’s free.
And it’s all about building the healthy habits. What healthy habits will you enjoy building? What goals will they help you achieve? What do you want to do with your body and time?
You may want to look into high-volume/low-calorie recipes if you’re having trouble overeating. I watched a lot of them that looked surprisingly good with very low calories. Whatever your cheat food favorites are, there’s likely a low-calorie version.
there’s lots of ways to lose weight besides fasting . intermittent fasting helps you stay healthy as well.
it sounds like you need something to keep you accountable .
I suggest using Macrofactor since they have a unique and reliable way to help you lose, gain , or maintain weight .https://macrofactorapp.com/
if you can’t afford a subscription at least start weighing and logging everything you consume (tracking calories precisely) and weigh in daily.
Weight loss and weight management are a journey, not a final destination. It sounds like in your journey right now, you may be relying on food to cope with emotions. The holidays come with a lot of anxiety and sometimes disappointment, anger, etc.
Slow down and take some time to explore what’s going on. What is worrying you?
Reconnect or reinvent your reasons for being healthy. Find a way to feel peaceful with how things are today. The good news is that you haven’t regained all of it, so when you begin your health journey again you won’t have as far to go to get to a good place. In addition to fasting, focus on balancing healthy food options & portion sizes with the foods you enjoy eating. In this way you are developing your lifelong sustainable healthy meal plan. You have proven you can do it! The horse is waiting for you to jump back on.
What an incredible achievement so far!!! You are by no means defeated, even though you are experiencing a setback.
Loosing the weight in the first place is a huge step - the second huge step is to keep it off, but the means to keep it off are a lot different than loosing the weight in the first place.
My advice for this next chapter would be to start over and regain the willpower you initially found when you were 18, but this time experiment with what works for you to maintain your weight loss. I’m sure the answer is a lot of small changes rather than one big solution.
Need some motivation to keep going?:
If you give up now and regain all 120 lbs or more, that will probably be complete when you are 23 or 24 years old.
Then it will likely be a year or two before you decide try to loose the weight again. That’s 25 or 26.
Then it will probably take you 4-5 years to loose the weight once again (and this time it might be harder because you are older).
So if you give up now, you might have to wait till you’re 30 or more before being in the same position as you are in right now. And by then you still haven’t completed or solved the maintenance phase.
So don’t destroy your amazing achievement now - keep fighting!
Sometimes fasting is easy and sometimes it’s impossible. Focus on learning a repertoire of realistic ( cheap and easy enough) healthy food and just maintain for awhile. The difficult times aren’t forever just like the easy times are.
If this too is impossible look into taking semaglutide or Mounjaro.
This could be me. I’ve had success getting back on track with intermittent fasting (18:6 and 20:4) and trying to exercise everyday. My exercise is walking right now - which is a challenge over the winter. If I get out 5-6 days (30-60 mins average), I count that a win. Bought new shoes to help motivate. Combined, I think I’ll be ready to fast again at some point but I’m not beating myself up. Take care of yourself at the same time.