I feel like nowadays it’s just inappropriate to comment on someone’s weight at all. I think that’s a good thing, but I can see how you’re pleased and hope others would notice and be happy for you. Congratulations from this random internet stranger, anyway!
I never remark on someone’s weight after faux pas that haunts me. I had a customer where I worked that I was friendly with but did not know well, she had been coming into two different shops that I worked at for years and one day came in after losing a significant amount of weight. I congratulated her on her weight loss and told her she looked good, only to get a mortified expression back without comment. I found out later that she lost all her weight because she had cancer. I’m extremely remorseful of that to this day, and learned a lesson that other people’s weight is none of my business to comment on. If people mention a diet or that they have been intentionally loading weight then I will bring it up, but I will never bring it up again unbidden.
When my mom was dying of cancer people took it upon themselves to comment and congratulate her on her weight loss. She was literally dying. I’ll never comment on someone’s weight unless they bring it up.
Complimenting someone on their weight is risky business. You may see it as an innocent comment that would boost their self esteem but you also don’t know what led to that loss. Was it healthy? Are they okay? Is being thin even a priority to them?
Congratulations on your weight-loss!I get uncomfortable if people ask if I’ve lost weight as I feel like it them agreeing that I was fat/am fat. I’m much more likely to complement an outfit or hair or overall appearance (you look wonderful).
As an alternate to congratulating your coworker on her weight loss, just compliment her outfit or tell her how healthy she looks, she has a healthy glow about her, whatever. Don’t make it about the weight loss. Nowadays with thr focus on body positivity, you don’t want to be seen as someone who was saying oh, you look great now, which means you didn’t look good before. You know what I mean? I feel like that’s why people don’t post stuff about weight unless you make a post kind of tooting your own horn or something along those lines. Like if you posted a Before & After or made a post talking about your weight loss because you were proud of your progress, that gives people permission to compliment you. Whereas if you’ve got a random picture of you and you can tell you’ve lost some weight, people may be more hesitant to compliment you out of fear of making you feel bad or like you weren’t pretty beforehand because you had a little bit of extra weight on you. Just my thoughts!
We live in a society that it would be odd for someone to comment on weight loss because it’s acknowledging the “before” problem and you don’t know how the other person will take it. The only people who comment on my weight loss is my partner and close family because they know and understand the journey I’ve been on. Now that’s totally acceptable (and honestly expected - pump me up, yall!)
I think it is better to focus on a persons effort, abilities or kindness. I think a focus on looks is really kind of harmful for ourselves and others. If we lived in a world where how we looked was a little less of a focus, we would all be better off. Love a person for who they are not the wrapper they have. Great work on your efforts and success—that is what matters.
That’s a good point, it’s generally considered “rude” to talk about weight. Maybe say “you look great! Have you been doing anything different?” If you want to compliment someone. And as far as social media, a lot of time people don’t comment because they are jealous.
Please don’t take it personally. I, for one, am so proud of you and your work towards a better you. I think we all are. Remember that sometimes body changes aren’t always a good topic for some people, so your friends are more than likely playing it safe by staying quiet. For me, my parents always taught us to never comment on someone’s change in appearance unless they bring it up, or they mention they’re on a body-changing journey. As the change could be a sensitive subject for them.
Example: When my grandma had breast cancer back in the 90’s, she cut her long hair down to a boy-cut length because it started to fall out. She’d always had long hair, so it was a change she didn’t like. Only the immediate family and her pastor knew she had cancer and was doing chemo. She received a lot of compliments on her new hair cut and how it made her look older and more distinguished. I cannot stress how much she hated her new hair. I was a VERY little kid, but my parents made it clear to NOT talk about grandma’s haircut. She also lost a lot of weight, and that received compliments, too. She’d never been a big woman, but she had extra weight on her.When I was in college, her cancer came back. I remember we were all sitting around her kitchen table, drinking coffee, and she said something along the lines of “And NO ONE better compliment me on my hair or weight this time around!” Which led to her telling us how those compliments back in the day really upset her. “Oh, that haircut looks great on you!” “You’ve lost so much weight, you look wonderful!” In her mind, those words twisted into “it’s such a good thing you got cancer, because see how much better it made you look!” And she either grinned and bore it, or told them about her health conditions, which was something she wasn’t ready to do yet.
I think a lot of people have similar stories, or similar lessons taught to them as they grow. That even though a change looks good, it may be a horror story for the person going through it. Your story is a happy one. Be proud of what you’ve done and remember you did it for you, not for them. Celebrate your victory, you beautiful beast.
Same experience with people after I lost over 265 lbs. Some people are too wrapped in themselves to notice others. Others are being polite not not pointing out you were fat. I think most people just expect it’s a TEMPORARY change - because more often than not that is the case.
12kg is great! I bet you feel amazing!
That’s what’s important. People can be rather careful mentioning someone’s weight, but others comments shouldn’t really he your driver to lose it lose it.
Keep at it and congrats on your success!
I feel like weight comments are maybe too personal to make towards most people. One reason is that it sets up a preference and almost seems to be saying, “you look better now that you are thinner” which might be felt as negative. I make positive generic compliments instead, like “You look great!”
I went very low carb at the end of July last year to take off around 20 pounds. It was a reasonable amount of weight for me, placing me about 10 pounds above my normal weight when I was younger. Plus, I had been at this goal weight about 4 years ago. By the time my weight loss was noticeable, I had been diagnosed with cancer. People who knew about the diagnosis would start a conversation like this: You lost weight; was it intentional? You should stop now! Wow. It’s better to tell people how great they look without discussing weight unless they invite it by mentioning it themselves.
When your neighbor remarks how you lost and how good you seem and look; and your mother also in the circle of conversation grins dumb bc she’s noticed too and hasn’t (and she won’t btw) tell you same uplifting compliment b
The thing is nowadays if you comment on someone weight for example “ you lost so much weight “ some people will take it as they were fat before or think that I thought they were fat and lost weight so that’s why no one says anything cause social media be sensitive nowadays