My general opinion is that a diet isn’t any good if it won’t accommodate a social life. Skipping social occasions in order to adhere rigidly to a diet is a sign of disordered eating.
When I am faced with this choice, I de-prioritize fasting, enjoy myself, and eat sensibly. Let’s say you eat at this event around 8 pm, finish by 9. You spend the rest of the evening nursing a club soda with a lime on the rim so it feels like you are participating.
Even with your normal fasting schedule, you’ll still achieve 14 hours of fasting. Nothing wrong with that!
There is no virtue to never deviating from your normal fasting schedule.
I personally would probably change my fasting schedule or take the day off if it’s once a month or so, but if it’s too frequent, then order hot water and bring my own teabag or something. I think that in this day and age, socialization is so important, so I would not skip it altogether. It’s not weird to say “I just can’t eat late in the evenings” Let them think it’s due to reflux or something. You don’t have to explain everything, but stand firm.
Why don’t you just shift your eating window so they are eating until 8:30/9 PM on those nights and then just don’t eat the next day until noon?
The reason people can sustain intermittent fasting for the duration of their lives is because it is flexible. There’s no need to cut out social interactions involving food after 6pm. I don’t go out very often, but when I do I just shift the window. If I can’t fast for 16 hours the next day, I’m happy with double digits because I’m consistent the rest of the time. If you’re consistent 99% of the time, it’s not going to hurt your progress to sometimes be flexible every couple weeks.
The question is, do you like food from this restaurant, and would you happily join in?
If yes, I would try to push my first meal of the day later to keep your eating window the same length. Then eat with others. The next day, I would try to come back to my usual hours, but if I would not be hungry at 11, I would push it a bit and try the next day to return to my routine.
If not, eat at home a good meal rich in proteins and fat and then drink water and tea at the restaurant.
I have a work meeting that is at a nice restaurant tomorrow at noon, and it would probably be uncomfortable for the group if I ate nothing.
Knowing that I shifted my fasting schedule earlier in the day yesterday and today so my eating window would open on time.
Be the weirdo, yeah. Nobody actually cares that much. I used to be in a language group that met at restaurants and there was always someone who’d just eaten or had another thing with food to go to right afterwards or just wasn’t able to have anything on the menu after all. If getting something to-go makes sense, that’d be reasonable as “rent” for your space in the restaurant, or at least tip as if you’d ordered.
I don’t usually socialize but I will just “take days off” because people get very offended when someone doesn’t eat lol I have anxiety and just would rather not deal with it.
You could change your schedule to accommodate these events but honestly do what is best for you and it sounds like skipping is not an option so be a weirdo
Say you’re not hungry and hand-wave away any nonsense replies.
Or simply tell the truth? Say you no longer eat after 6pm due to medical issues but enjoy their company so much you still want to participate.
That would work best IMO.
Order club soda and (if asked) let them casually know you’ve already eaten a big lunch or whatever so aren’t hungry. From experience wait staff also don’t care if you don’t order food. If most of the other moms in the group are eating you would barely be noticed. Good luck, the first time will feel weird but it will become normal (and you’ll feel great that you did it at the end and stuck to your fast)