Spiritual healing through dry fast

I'm hoping to share the inner awareness. I used to have long fast video journal on YouTube until my abuser found out my internet name and started stalking me i felt uncomfortable sharing my life since then. However it's crucial to be aware of the inside, during a dry fast challenge. Last night i broke df because perceived difficult emotions resurface. I started craving something keto such as Chinese pork bone or ribs soup with seaweed winter melon and dried shrimp, or the black chicken feet soup with lots of yummy vegetables like carrots sweet dates daikon watercress, i used to make with my cat. Then i start to think about how i don't have a pot to make soup and I don't want to get one because I don't have a home. Started to think about my cat and all the financial legal criminal unresolved matter i was supposed to deal with years ago. Started to think about how i have not been functioning past few years due to unresolved post complex trauma stress symptoms. And it was Saturday night, my usual worst weekend nights where i used to feel lonely for not ever had a boyfriend and keep ruining every chance i get. Everything start to get overwhelming as i couldn't sleep. I told someone who doesn't fast about it, she said of course we need to eat and drink or we go crazy, then i got all spiritual guru with her saying, that is the whole point. I don't want any food water as distraction to deal with underlying trauma healing. I want to take this as a challenge with inner child and do introspection. I can't live like a numb zombie but I'm scared I'd be in so much pain once i unnumb id want to kill myself. I also don't want to feel like I'm being pushed to do this, i want to be pulled to do this as a spiritual challenge game.