Water fasting for 21+ days! (Backstory)

Hi everyone! I would like to start off by saying I’m not telling you how to do a water fast or the right way to attempt it, I’m sharing my experiences and would like to meet people with the same struggles as me and help me to be properly educated on this topic. I’m a 20yr old 5’5 female and weigh 190lbs. This is the highest weight I’ve ever been at in my entire life. Coming from an Asian family who’s bloodline consist of 4’9 stick thin women weighing from 90-110lbs, I tend to get criticized for being big. Mentioning it in front of people who weren’t immediate members also didn’t help. Starting from elementary school all through out HS I never had a problem with being taller and heavier because I was still in the healthy range but compared to my family, I was considered obese. It was around fifth grade when my aunt called me out for being heavy when I was only 11 and had just started going through puberty. I had stretch marks forming when My body started developing. I got taller, breast, hips but was still thin at 95lbs 5’1 and called fat bc of the marks. As I got into middle school, I filled into my shape and was considered womanly by classmates but fat by family because of my development vs. everyone else in the family. By the end of middle school I had finished growing at 5’5 and weighed 130/140lbs. The comments kept getting to me even though I was fine with myself. I had people interested in me, I had friends, I was doing well in school. It was when HS started that I slowly believed I was big and continued eating gaining weight over time. I had the mentality of “shit, if I’m already big, I’m just going to keep eating”. Even though people thought calling me fat would get me to stop eating or motivate me to lose weight, it made me binge even more. I don’t know why, I just turned to food as a way to cope, and would lock myself in my room with large amounts of junk and manage to finish most of it before the next day. By the time I finished senior year I was at 165lbs. Throughout HS I worked hard to lose weight before family events but when I got to a point that was good enough for me to feel comfortable and everyone else around me to stop calling me fat, I had suddenly lost too much weight for them and turned to food again to gain. Then when I gained weight, it was an endless rollercoaster of you got big. Losing 20lbs in 3-4 months and gaining 3-4 months. I had trouble being steady. Once I graduated and moved away from home, I began experiencing freedom and a different area w/ new people, people I would workout with but then also people who wanted to eat out everyday. My environment started to become like the one I had at home. I slowly started gaining weight 1-2lbs every other week and bam! By the time the holidays rolled over I found myself at 170lbs. At that point I realized I had a bingeing problem. I knew I wasn’t hungry but I had to have food in my mouth. Whenever I had my moods I had to eat. I could tell my stomach had no room but why did I feel the need to continuously finish what’s on my plate? I would research so much about losing weight the healthy way only to find myself impatient when people started commenting on me after only 1 month of steadily working out and eating right. “Oh your still big” “don’t eat that it’s not good for you” “all you have to do is exercise” I WAS ALREADY WORKING ON IT I JUST NEEDED TIME. I didn’t have the time to avoid the criticism. Yes I can ignore it and love myself, find confidence, do it the right way, etc. but Its not as easy when I was already beginning to feel uncomfortable in my own skin and see myself in a negative light. Clothes didn’t fit right or feel good, I hated the cellulite I had on my legs, the way my thighs rubbed together and if I wore jeans id have a hole before 2-3 months. I rarely wanted to interact with people, and I physically felt exhausted with anything I did. Shoot, I would breath heavily over walking 3 steps upstairs. The fat comments was an extra kick of reality for me to confirm I needed to change. I couldn’t wait to see progress in 3 months slowly just to lose 10-15lbs though. So I came across a forum on water fasting. Someone did it for just 10 days and looked amazing. Then I noticed some people do it for 30+ days! I was very intrigued and thanksgiving was coming up, i wanted to do my best before I had to come face to face with family. At that rate I was 175lbs I didn’t have the proper knowledge on it and decided to attempt my first ever water fast. The day before I started I had a big breakfast, and ate anything from bacon to pancakes stuffing myself like no tomorrow. That was the only thing I ate that day as I started researching and watching water fast videos until it was time for me to sleep and start my officials fast. I initially told myself I was going to do 3 days to test it out and see how I felt. The first 2 days were extremely tough. I felt like a rabid animal and shivered at the scent of anything good. But every time I had temptation I just told myself one more day and would drink another glass of water to minimize my hunger. Day 3 came around and I felt nothing. I lost 10lbs and began to notice some differences but I wasn’t going crazy. I did take a teaspoon of sea salt that morning as I researched I needed salt but that was the only time I took it. I wasn’t hungry I didn’t have any urges. I was fine. That’s when I thought I should try to do 14 days. First week went by sooooooooo slow. I wasn’t craving but I felt mentally drained. I worked at a factory that produced plane parts and I read I had to not be as active but because I worked for 10 hrs constantly moving, as soon as I got home I knocked out. I would sometimes take extra breaks at work as I was just too tired to do anything. That’s when I started becoming drained and I had minor headaches if I moved to vigorously. I had to work as a sloth and people noticed my appearance as I became more pale and my cheek fat was slowly fading. My neck and waist lines slowly started appearing as the fat disappeared. Everyone thought I had a flu by my actions of sitting and staring off into space. I felt like a zombie. Week 2 came around and I actually did get sick with a cold. Though it help pass time, My energy was extremely low at this point and all I did was sleep. I had minor cravings here and there but my willpower was stronger to avoid eating foods. Once I saw the progress I wanted to finish what I started and decided to go 17 days and had went from 175lbs to 135. I broke my fast with fruits and slowly started to eat in moderation. In just 17 days I was able to do that and make a drastic change that my confidence and mentality got stronger. Once I visited family, I was finally presented with compliments. I felt proud. But I soon realized my ego was starting to get to me. I felt so good that when I went out to eat, I would tell myself eating that’s not going to hurt or I could just lose it if I gain it back. BOY WAS I WRONG. I kept making excuses and before I knew it I was back up at my original weight. At this rate, it wasn’t family this time that I blamed. It was me. I had no self-control. I keep doing this to myself. I always had motivation but it never lasted. I couldn’t break that mentality of over eating once I get to a good place . I had to have and eat anything I craved no matter what the serve size was. I fasted in end of September to November and held it off until New Years but blew up in January and gained an extra 15lbs since then making me 190lbs now. I cant stop with my quick fixes but this time I really want to make it stick. I want to win this mental war I’ve been dealing with in my mind and change my lifestyle. Please don’t tell me to just do it the right way And lose it within 3-4 months. I want to do it right once I drop close to my goal weight which is 140. Or maybe even 150. So I want to try fasting again. But this time 21-28 days and I would like anyone to join me and share their experience or journey along the way. I need the support and feel like having someone along with me will help. I’d also like to be educated on this topic as later in the future I’d like to turn to intermittent fasting to maintain myself. All I ask is for someone to join me/help me stay strong on my path. Thank you. :)